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The Spanish language (and the fact that I don't know it) has limited me in social situations. I am normally the girl who strikes up a conversation with the woman at the checkout counter. I have no problem pleasantly questioning the cute guy on the bus about his equally cute dog. If you have ears, I will speak to them. 

In Spain, this has been almost impossible for me. There are times that just as I think of what I want to say in a conversation, the beat goes on, and the topic changes to something else.

I make at least one mistake everyday. I sound like an idiot, almost everyday. Today was no exception. And tomorrow won't be either. When I am tired, or sick, or in the mornings before my coffee, I am a Spanish desastre.

Committing to living in Spanglish was something I was prepared to do. But some days, it feels like I have commit to a vow of silence. I am funny, I am witty, I am intelligent, and obviously, very modest. But it is difficult to express myself in those ways in a second language.

That being said, I came to Spain with absolutamente no español. And now, I can find a way to say almost anything I want to. But my timing is off, my grammar is off, and I can't be the true Spaniard I want to be without the right words.

When will the Spanglish stop?
 


Comments

01/23/2012 11:15am

No pasa nada! It never stops, but it does get mejor. My companero de piso saw me reading a book in English today, and told me I need to stop because my Spanish lately has just been asi-asi...And then we had a conversation in espanol...so just goes to show. so keep it up!

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Me
01/23/2012 11:19am

Literally laughed out loud at this. And overall, you're right. On days like today, I do remind myself of the three most important words in the Spanish language: "No pasa nada!"

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Laura
01/23/2012 12:05pm

EVERYONE HAS THIS! NPN :o) I like to talk so much in English and I continue to do so in Spanish, even if I commit every error in the book to continue talking. I don't care anymore. But honestly, that's the way you learn. Don't quiet yourself, just keep talking. They still get what you are trying to say! jaja

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Me
01/23/2012 1:39pm

I never quiet myself, but it's so hard sometimes to get turned down while speaking! Thanks for the words of encouragement though. :)

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01/23/2012 12:15pm

I totally understand. I am understanding more and more every day but I almost always miss the time to jump into the conversation or if I do manage to say something, it is not correct!

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Me
01/23/2012 1:38pm

These first months for you are going to be where you learn the absolute MOST. I came with nothing, and had about a month long silent period of just pure observation, then I started to spit out Spanish like a cup of bad cafe!

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Rebekah Callari
01/25/2012 5:30pm

I thought I knew Spanish when I came but I quickly learned Castillano is NOT the Spanish taught in schools in the US.

01/23/2012 12:25pm

I can't believe you went without knowing Spanish!! Girl, that's bravery right there.

I felt the same way, although my Spanish was "pretty good" by U.S. standards. I like to think of myself as an eloquent speaker/writer and feeling like an idiot (which I felt a lot) was pretty depressing at times. If I ever do go back, I'm going to arm myself with the knowledge that, hey, (some) people who read my blog think of me as a good writer. I'll keep a stiff upper lip that way! :)

Anyway, I hope you feel better about your Spanish soon!

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Me
01/23/2012 1:36pm

Thanks, Kaley! It was brave, but I can't say I haven't had a few incidents along the way. (One in particular involving a balcony, and unconjugated verbs.) But you're right, blogging helps! :)

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