Scared.

8/6/2011

Nerves

As the time before leaving approaches, I have to be honest... I'm scared to go.

I have so many emotions rolling through me, and I am unbelievably excited about so many things, but the fear of leaving for such a long period of time has sunk in. It has hit hard.

I am afraid of being alone.
I am afraid of losing touch with who I am.
I am afraid of not succeeding in the new things that I'll try.

But, I am most fearful of the friends and family I have in the US, the friends I have and the friends I will meet in Spain, and even the strangers on the street.

I'm scared they are all going to look at me and think, "What is she doing here?", not belonging in a place where I want to belong so badly.

As I cry myself to sleep tonight, maybe several more in the next month before I leave(and I'm certain a few in that first week in Spain), I'm going to think of the opportunity I have made for myself, and remind myself that sometimes the scariest things in life are worth the most in the end.

9 Comments

Kaley link

8/7/2011 05:28:25 am

You can do it! I moved to Spain in 2009, not knowing anyone. I met my boyfriend, fell in love, went back to teach English in 2010 and we're still together, going to get married (one day). I am shy as anything so if I can do it, you can too. Good luck!

8/7/2011 10:02:06 am

Kaley, thank you so much for the kind words. I do know some AMAZING Spaniards already who have become like a second family to me, but I am still so afraid of the unknown! Have you ever had that feeling?

I look forward to following your blog too...and maybe meeting you in Spain! :) Un novio español, muy bien...los españoles son mas guapo que los americanos, verdad? hehe

Cat link

8/8/2011 12:03:02 am

I won't lie - when I moved to Spain, I found myself suddenly labeless - no longer a student nor a journalist nor anything. I was simply alone. Make contacts now through facebook, twitter, whatever. here are plenty of assistants in a city like my querida Vdoid. I come up frequently to visit my host family and will let you know if I do get up there!!

8/8/2011 07:01:31 am

Can't wait to meet you!

I'm ready to feel alone, as scary as that is, I've come to realize there are some sacrifices we must make in life for what we want, and that will be one of them for me.

I'm just more than ready for the feeling that I'll BELONG. Will I ever get there?

CathyBean link

8/8/2011 03:34:53 pm

This totally hit home for me...but I guess we just have to pull ourselves together and let the adventure outweigh the uncertainty.

So many people are jealous of this this opportunity we have to go to Spain. So have the fun that they're jealous of you having.

Cathy
~Auxiliar en Madrid :)

8/10/2011 07:52:30 am

Oh my goodness Cathy, it's such a relief to hear that others have felt this way/are feeling this way too!

So many people express their jealousy, and I just tell them that Spain is just another place on the map, nothing to be jealous of! But, I know there is truth behind the fact that it ISN'T just a place. :) Not for me anyway!!

My hope is just what you said...the adventures will outweigh the uncertainties! :) Thanks for the support!

madison

8/25/2011 03:13:53 am

Jen you are going to be so happy there. Such a great opportuinty that you should be so proud of. We here will miss you dearly but knowing you for the short time that I have I know you will do just fine. I love talking to you about your adventures and find myself wondering if I could ever do what you do. Not sure if I could or not but I feel privileged as a person to know I have a friend who braved the world and took in her new home with open arms. I love you Jen b you are a great person and you have made an impact on my life:-)

8/25/2011 09:34:51 am

Madison this is so sweet, and there is no doubt in my mind I will look back and read this over and over again when times get tough for me in Spain. I can't thank you enough for the kind words. You are a wonderful person. I can't wait to share my adventures with you...sometimes they aren't as exciting without someone to share them with!!

Madison

8/25/2011 01:16:46 pm

Isn't that's the truth. I am so excited to hear about all of your adventures. I will be checking in with you. Go for it girl and don't hold back. Life is just way to damn short. With all the technology nowadays its like we are sitting right next to eachother:)

A Glimpse...

I am a recent college graduate who has packed up her belongings and moved to Spain. Everyday brings a new challenge of learning a new language, eating new foods, and following a new culture. I am working as a high-school English teacher in the city of Valladolid, Spain. Follow my experiences and travels as I take in a newly nomadic life full of siestas, fiestas, and everything in between!